A dull ache becomes a slow and intensifying throb. My chest tightens as my blood thins and boils throughout my tense body. I feel a searing heat flush through my skin from my head to my clenched fists. My breathing stops momentarily until I realize it and swallow what seem like a stone in my throat. All of my muscles stiffen and then go cold as I sit with a glazed stare , slightly hunched over with my mouth cracked open. The dryness of my lips keeps me in a numb reality but all I real want is to go back into the warmth of darkness. To coil up like a snake under the security of a rock. But reality pulls me back out and forces me to consciously live again. It’s the circumstance and the situation. It affects me more than I could expect. The stiffness within me prevents me from escape. Either that or the need to hold onto what I’m losing. My grip is slipping and my palms are sweaty. I can feel the paleness over my face and recognize its reflection in those around me. It paralyses me even more and I begin to choke on my dry throat. I close my mouth and grind my teeth as I force my mind to resume conscious thought so I can react to what’s happening. I feel like I’m trying to catching my breath after being kicked in the chest. It hurts and swells inside me like the sensation of falling in a dream. I hate this. I deserve this. I choke it down and push through. I still wish things had been different.